It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit and post anything here. I think I still have a special fondness to blogging, documenting, and organizing thoughts all in one forum. I like “wearing” the things that I like, the places I’ve been, and perspectives that I share. Posting quirky/sentimental photos and quotes, “liking” things, seeing what other people spend time on trying to cohere. It’s all interesting. Though, sometimes all of this world can be sort of irrelevant to everything else that’s going on around me, I’m still glad it’s going on. (Probably the same way I’m glad that certain sports exist, though I’m not completely invested in them). Having a giant conversation within the context of social media is a game, a show, and simulation. But I like it for what it is.
“I feel the misguided need to confess to complete strangers, or to whom ever it concerns, that I’m not sure who I am right now.
I have, however, found some relief in knowing that I’m not going to stay here. That my mess can (and is being) embraced by people who are safe.
How hard it has been for me to admit: I have not taken care of my heart. I have been irrsposible with my actions. My thoughts are uncontrolled. I have been afraid. I have been critical. Analyzing myself into a cloud of self-help books, judging others, feeling a sense of betrayal and offense. Then embelishing my hurt, while calling it my “story”.”
“How dare I be so presumptuous that I raise my experience above His Word when He’s raised His Word above His name.”
“When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. Your healing is not a straight line. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don’t say to yourself, ‘All is lost. I have to start all over again.’ This is not true. What you have gained, you have gained.
Taking note of this home I’m hidden in. I really do love this.
I don’t know if the question is whether the person is a people-pleaser [or not], but it is the why they are.
It is not entirely bad to be pleasing, unless the intent is destructive [for selfish gain/control]. I would highly suggest that most of us pray to see what our own motivations in being kind are.
And I question how easily kindness is waved off as passive and meek, perhaps even weak.
I have found that it takes forward thinking to truly be kind. The sort of kindness that carries seed, the DNA of the Love that Christ spoke into existance. True kindness is incredibly powerful. Potent. Kindness that stems from love does not seeks its personal benefit. It aggresively seeks the benefit for another.
I never thought that a genuine “people pleaser” could exist. But if there is such a person, I think I would find an incredible life-changing and inspirational example of someone who really loved “the least of these.”
Today I met up with two ladies that love the Lord. I could tell by their testimony. Every bit of them was in the words they were saying. I felt like a paralyzed spectator, unworthy to hold those parts of their hearts.
It was like they took me and together propelled me into the air so I could see past myself. So I could be reminded of why I love this world so much.